To beard or not to beard?

I once let my beard grow more than I was used to, and just for fun I took a couple of selfies before and after shaving. I then posted those pictures to Facebook with the caption To beard or not to beard?. For me it was kind of obvious that the answer to my question, if I got any, was going to be “without beard.” I not only got surprised by the amount of comments I got, but also for the result of this spontaneous survey.

All the persons who responded to my Facebook status were women, and the bearded look was the most voted. On top of that, girls who went for the facial hair option were the ones I felt attracted to. Curiously, those who chose the “baby face look” were friends or ladies I wasn't interested in. So beard, according to this quick informal study, makes a man -or me- more attractive. Interesting, huh?

But it's not only my own experience that has a saying in this matter. Scientists all over the world had researched this as well. I mean, actual research. So I went through some of those investigations and found some refreshing facts. I specially found this study from the University of New South Wales particularly interesting, because they even defined a determined period of beard growth as the most attractive. But I wasn't satisfied. I needed to try this scientific evidence in real life, using myself as the test subject. I shaved and started to post a selfie everyday on Instagram with the evolution of my beard. Here's my story.

Day 0: I wasn't actually going to conduct this experiment. I was happy with my almost 2-month full beard. The only uncomfortable -and nasty- thing about it was the mustache that kept going into my mouth ALL THE TIME. After trimming it, I realized I looked stupid with an almost invisible mustache above the rain forest of hair on my face, so I had to make a decision: let it grow for a couple of weeks -looking horrible during the wait- or just get rid of the whole beard. Chose the second alternative. I like to go all the way, specially when I fuck up.

Being out in the open with a clean shave was weird. Hadn't done it for ages, which made me feel a stranger, even to myself. But apparently a sexy stranger, since I noticed more looks at me than usual by the opposite sex. The theory of beard sexiness wasn't proving right. Should I believe these scientists after this day?

Day 1 to 4: while my face became more scratchy, the ladies reaction towards me got colder. This proved the study right to certain level. My beard is not patchy at all, but density at this stage wasn't enough to show my masculinity -regarding instinctive attraction standards- to my surrounding female counterparts. Plus, in my opinion, the untidy appearance this unshaved look gave me just made me look more of a slacker than anything else. An unattractive slacker, that is.

Day 5: and I reached the fifth day of this experiment. Scientists used this stage of beard growth as the first measure to determine the level of attractiveness. I did notice some difference. Not saying I attracted much more attention than the previous days, but the bearded look was starting to take form. And it did, in fact, got noticed. My lady friend complimented me, without me even asking, and literally said the beard look was going well. If she says so, do I need any scientific evidence?

Day 6 to 9: pretty much like day 1 to 4. Not much variation in the level of attraction to my beard or my person. Started to feel that science did have a point when it comes to sexiness after all.

Day 10: the day had arrived! “Where them girls at?” I asked myself while walking around in the city with my perfect 10-day, heavy stubble beard. Reactions? Not many. To be honest, after day 6 o 7, the beard didn't have a significant growth or change. Still I got a couple of compliments by my special lady and a female friend, but only after I pointed the fact I was letting my facial hair, slowly but surely, take control of my face. Though, despite the cold reception my so awaited beard had reaching the supposed boiling point of sexiness, it did reinforced the conclusion I had a few months before, when I did my Facebook experiment. Girls do prefer me with a beard, as they would with any other man with a bushy face. I was right, scientist were right and -hating myself for saying this- hipsters were also right: beards rock!

Bonus study: Instagram Reaction.

If you head to my Instagram account @edoherto, you'll see nothing but selfies. I, as an amusement and a self-esteem booster, use this social network to show the world my ever growing beauty. To leverage the reach of my precious face in this app, I use two cocky hashtags: #beard and #latinlover. I always got likes from random girls or even dudes. So, since I wanted my experiment to be unbiased, I created a new hashtag for it, #SexyBeardExperiment. But, as a little trick, I also used #nofilter, to see if I could attract any attention. Didn't work. No likes whatsoever.

Do you also wanna be part of the experiment and help in the follow up article? Shave and post your progress to Instagram everyday, or in days 0, 5 and 10, using the hashtag #SexyBeardExperiment. Happy growing!

Sex/Life 27

She broke my heart. I broke my bed fucking other women, trying to forget her. Couldn't. It was her whom I was shagging. She, with different face, smell, taste. She and only she. How many of those girls did I hurt? One, two, four, all of them? I did feel bad. Felt bad but did it anyway. Brought them close to push her away. Pushed them away to get her back. But she was gone. Long gone. I was alone, and even lonelier while accompanied in my broken bed.

Sex/Life 26

Her room was a mess. Dozens of papers, magazines and books piling up in every corner. Clothes spread all over the place, like victims of a fashion terrorist attack. Pictures, notes, newspaper scraps, all taped to the wall. And her bed... oh, her untidy bed. We laid there, me hugging her from behind, while she was going through her music on her laptop, singing along. Me, silent, watching her whispering lyrics to the beat of the music. “I know you are in love with me” she said. I wasn't. Not there yet. Changed the subject and had sex with her, not minding she was on her period. She was a mess, just like her room. Soon after I was caught in love with that mess.

Don't fall in love

Do you want a piece of advice? Do not fall in love. You see, loving is a gigantic task you may not want to get involved in. Need any reasons? I'll give you a few for you to consider.

Loving is caring. It means taking care of somebody else than yourself, committing to look up for their welfare and your own at the same time. Exhausting!

Loving is dangerous. It awakes your worst nightmares and demons. Jealousy, pride, prejudice, insecurity; you name it. It requires you to be strong enough to fight them, smart enough to ignore them and firm enough to choose love over them all.

Loving is weakness. Makes you vulnerable because it forces you to open up completely to the other person. It's brutal honesty, humbleness, physical and emotional nudity. You must be who you are, your true self, no masks nor faking. It's leaving your comfort zone and exposing all your wounds and flaws.

Loving is losing. You give up part of your freedom and independence, adjusting your life and space to be with the object of your affection. You forget about all “the fishes in the sea”, because you are already taken, off the market. Your roofless individuality now ends where the other's starts. Kiss goodbye your selfishness, there's no room for it anymore.

Loving is growing. It requires you to improve yourself to the fullest, because to deliver the best of you in the relationship means also that you must be the best version of yourself you can be. Doesn't mean you have to be perfect, because imperfection is part of the package. You must embrace your imperfection, using it in your favor. Because imperfection is what makes us human, and a human who, despite its own flaws, reaches a higher level of personal growth, defines perfection itself.

Loving is investing. Your time, energy, tears, sweat... sometimes even money! Though as an investment it's the worst you can make. You can't expect anything in return; is giving selflessly, limitless and in good faith.

Loving is adventure. When you jump into it, you start a quest. Every day is a challenge, an exploration in the unknown. It's discovering the other and yourself, constantly wondering in the deepest boundaries of the soul and the worldly whatnot of life in common. This search, this journey, is not to take the relationship for granted, to make it stronger over time.

And, over all, loving is sharing. It's to deliver the most of you. Your happiness, your dreams, your sense of humor, your weird kinks. It's to be there for the other because you want to, not for obligation, not for need. Searching for balance all the time, avoiding the game of “master/slave.” Bear a part in the life of your significant other as well as them are part of yours. It's quiting for once and for all flying solo and hold hands to start walking towards a present and a future as Us or We, instead of Just Me.

So, after reading all this, do you still think you wanna fall in love? Because, as Roman Krznaric says in his article, love is a word nowadays is used lightly. The increasing rate of divorces around the world, the ever growing cases of violence among couples of all ages, the inhumanization of society due to the importance they now give to individualism. All the above are factors to take in consideration when we talk about love. Is it what it used to be? Do you think you can give yourself to it for real and not in the shallow way most people do these days? If not, and I say this for your own good, just don't fall in love.

I don't need you

I've had a terrible love life. Mistake after mistake, disappointment and abandonment, pity and guilt. Been there, done that, and it was shit. So I constantly asked myself what I was doing wrong, or why girls couldn't appreciate me. I mean, c'mon, I was cool! Or was I?

Nevertheless, as usual, my questions never got answered by the girls that dumped me, rejected me or treated me like dog shit on the sole of their shoes. Frustrated as I was, I started blaming all on them. It was easy, and it came easier when I turned up the volume of my music player and sang along one of the most misogynist songs I've heard: I don't need you, by Die Antwoord.



Practically vomiting this abominable lyrics, I released my grim thoughts and my hate towards those hurtful ladies. Over and over again, I unleashed the darkest part of myself to the beat of that song, until one day I got it. It wasn't them who I was shouting to. It was myself.

I was a mess. Didn't know what I wanted for my life, didn't like my work and I was basically living just to keep breathing, with no purpose whatsoever. How under this conditions could I love or be loved? I only could aspire to have mediocre relationships or meaningless affairs, all of which ended badly because I was needy and looking to find completion to my own self with my partner.

Truth is I, and actually nobody, can be completed nor fulfilled by someone else. Love is not a magical thing that will immediately fix all your flaws and transform you into a perfect person, making your problems disappear at the same time. You are responsible for this, not love, not your partner. Once you realize that and start improving yourself just because it's yourself you'll be helping, you will be able to find true love. Because love is a decision, not a necessity. I am happy with myself and I choose to share this happiness with somebody else, someone I can tell “I don't need you” and mean it. Because I'll be with her not because I need her, but because I want to.

“I don't need you, I want you.”

Can you say that to the one you love? If you do, your are in the clear. If not... well, check yourself. Nobody likes needy.

Romantic 14

Todos mis demonios huyen de la luz que tú traes a mi vida.

All my demons run away from the light you bring into my life.

Sex/Life 25

She's leaving today. My Danish friend, the Scandinavian lover, my Nordic nurse. She, who has taken all my broken hearted shit, who has dealt with my commitment phobia , who has taken care of me while I couldn't walk. She, M, has shown me that I can be treated right, that I deserve better than I've had before, that no matter if I haven't achieve any of my goals or that I hardly know what I want, I still can be appreciated for what I am. All of that even though I've been an asshole to her. Yet she's always been there, always caring and, on top of that, willing to have sex with me. Because she's great at it and, after all, that was the nature of our “no relationship.” But it was that and much more.

Here's to my lover and friend. Here's to M. Farewell, baby. Your latin lover won't ever forget you.

Moving on, easier said than done

It hurts. Breaking up is never easy, but when you are the one who's left behind, it hurts even more. You cry, you do stupid things and lose every trace of dignity and self-respect. All you think about is coming back to that person, because you feel you can't live your life without them and the only thought of continuing to exist alone makes you miserable. Basically, you are pretty much fucked.

Your friends tell you that time heals all wounds, but yours seem too deep. More than wounds, it's like some of your limbs have been amputated, and there's no healing for that -unless you are a lizard, which is not the case. Then, when your face is still having a moisturizing treatment with your own tears, the magic words come to play: moving on. And they say it to you all the bloody time, like if repetition would ease the process. But it's not easy, not at all.

Moving on after somebody broke your heart is a very difficult task. You love them for the wonderful past you shared together, but you hate them for how grim your life has become after they dumped you. They can be your perfect partner to live happily ever after, and at the same time you forsake them for how awful they've been to you during and after your relationship. This way, you keep them in your head all the time, jumping from one extreme to the other, love to hate, mixing your emotions like if your heart were on a blender.

I've been ditched myself, and I can speak from my own experience: moving on is really fucking hard. I cried my heart out, until I was out of tears. I partied, I drunk, I danced and I fucked around to exhaustion. No matter what I did, I couldn't get her out of my head for long. She always came back to my mind and I felt helpless. Didn't have control over this constant thoughts, those flashbacks and this belief I lost my soul mate, the love of my life, my lass.

How did I move on? I wouldn't say I'm totally out of the woods, since some ashes of that fire I once had in my heart still feel hot. Anyhow, life now looks promising as I can see and sense the warm light at the end of this long tunnel. I managed to get to this point thanks to time, that surprisingly did heal my wounds. My friends and family did a great job too, as well as never ceasing my social life nor the activities I enjoyed. But, most of all, analyzing from a distance my so called “perfect partner” and the whole relationship gave me an approach I didn't have before. I was idealizing this girl and what we had together, but ignoring all those details that were far from perfect.

Everyone have their own process and timing, but time, in the end, is the key ingredient to move on. So hang in there, my friend. Better days are coming. Nobody said it was easy, but they did forget to mention how hard moving on was. Though, if you can do it, next time it won't be that hard. Actually, there shouldn't be a next time. That's the whole point of this: learning a lesson to never repeat the same mistake again. Or, at least, get to be the one who breaks up instead.

Selfie-esteem

Having a nasty accident really fucked me over. Besides the financial and physical impact, my whole lifestyle took a turn I wasn't expecting. All of the sudden, my active day to day was no more. I exchanged running for lying in bed, cycling for sitting on my ass the whole day, dancing for a wheelchair. No more walking for me. From one minute to the other I stopped being a totally independent young man and became a burden to my family and friends.

My self-confidence was crushed, my ego was just a good memory. Latin lover days were over I assumed, and ghosts from the past started haunting me. The bullying at school, my bad luck with girls up until I ended up trapped in a relationship for years, just to be dumped by the girl I fell I love after breaking up with my ex. Add crippled on top of all of that. Brilliant.

Call me shallow, superficial or whatever the heck you want, but discovering Instagram was a nice treat for my self-esteem. Of course there were other factors that helped me get it up again, like starting to walk, having a good lover by my side and the support of all my loved ones. Still, publishing selfies as an homage to myself (and my beard) every now and then has been refreshing. I may continue to have a limp with a therapy in the works to get myself able to do most of the things I was used too. Plus, my left leg is, literally, half as thick as the right one, which is not very appealing. But, nevertheless, getting a like always makes me smile. How bad a duckface really is then?

Wanna take a peek at my selfies? Head over to Instagram @edoherto

Weird dating advice that actually works

I'm no dating expert, but I can't complain. Even in my worst moment, lying in bed with a broken foot, I managed to have a good caring lover by my side. This is no coincidence, it's a consequence. A consequence of over a year of practice, a trial and error process which included a lot of fucking up and around, getting my heart broken by a girl who travels and building myself from scratch after that. This list includes most of the things I learned during this period and it's aimed to help you as it helped me.

Confidence: this is the Golden Rule; you have to trust yourself. If your self-esteem is low, nothing will come through. There's no deal breaker like insecurity, so shake it off your head. If you don't know how, there's nothing to worry about. The list is just starting.

Make the best of yourself: I won't tell you to “become the best version of yourself”, because unless this is a true change, it'll be fake and people will notice. You have to do with what you have, and from that point taking advantage of being yourself. Whether you are short, tall, skinny, fat, nerdy or plain boring, there has to be something in you that somebody will like. You gotta find what it is, improve it and find a niche where to exploit it. Believe me, kiddo, you have it in you.

Get your latin lover on: there's nothing better to improve your confidence than feeling secure about your skills bed-wise. But adopting the pose of this mythical Latino sex creature requires more than just being decent for the good ol' intercourse. A latin lover makes his lady feel like a woman. He pleases her in every way possible, not only between the sheets. He caresses her with his hands, acts and words. He doesn't shag her, he makes love to her, because that's all he knows. He's caring, chivalrous and kind to her. And he dances. Oh Lord, he dances! Because he's passionated and not afraid to show it. So learn good manners to treat a lady properly, rehearse a few good taste compliments and, for Christ sakes, start moving those hips to the beat of the music!

Work out: I couldn't tell if being muscular is a guarantee of success in the dating arena. Personally I think not. I am very slim and I do pretty well, and I have a friend who is ripped and haven't got laid in over a year. So I'm not saying that your should lock yourself in the gym and not coming out until you look like the Hulk. But if you wanna become a proper lover you gotta have a good endurance and, let's cut the crap: why would you wanna rock at dating if you won't live past next year to enjoy it?

Embrace your imperfection: nobody is perfect, so don't feel the pressure to be it. Imperfection is what makes us human, and once you recognize your own humanity you'll be able to see that in the rest of the people. You like a girl too much and think she's impossible to get with? Imagine her taking a shit. Yes, she shits and is imperfect too. Not looking so impossible now, is she?

Be cocky, not a cock: it is true that a high self-esteem is really important to attract the opposite sex, but better not taking it to the extreme. Showing off here and there is no big deal, if you have something to brag about. Feeding you ego is always a good thing, but don't become like those who are so full of themselves that don't have room for anyone else in their lives. You are looking to get laid or a significant relationship, not winning some stupid contest.

Grow a fucking pair!: have you ever gone out clubbing or to a bar and haven't been able or didn't wanted to drink? If not, give it a try. When you do, you'll see a lot of very drunk guys hitting on gals, making a total fool of themselves. Yeah, that's what you look like while you are at it in a regular night out. Do yourself a favor and don't be that lame dude again. Man up and go out there sober, or not more than tipsy. Girls will appreciate it and you will too. Next time you are more likely to wake up next to a woman than with yet another hangover.

Wait no more, my friend. Following this advice we'll surely grant you a very good time and, who knows, you may end up dating the woman of your life... or of that night, depending on what you want.

More tips to survive a girl who travels

Didn't have enough with the previous list I wrote before (How I survived a girl who travels)? Well, me neither. Here I'll share some more tips of how I could move on and keep living after my tragic experience with a gal who suffers of wanderlust.

Write about it: broadcasting your love life on a blog for the world to see may not be your cup of tea, but locking yourself in your room and just think about your tragedy won't fix anything. Alright, perhaps your writing skills are lower than a 6-year old boy's, but it's worth to try it. Or, if you rather, just talk about it. You, mate, are not a robot. The pain in your heart is feelings and emotions trying to escape. Let them out! Sing your blues away, paint your misery, act the play of your broken heart. However you can express what you are feeling is good. Every time you do it, it will hurt a little bit less.

Listen to Keane: you can listen to all kinds of music that will remind you of the girl who abandoned you, but no band is as good as this one to talk about it. Not only because the music itself is pretty good. You have to listen to the lyrics! Besides the couple of songs I'll put below, there are 4 records of these guys that you'll wanna listen to. Keane gets you.





Go mystical: everything happens for a reason, remember that. The Universe did not put this girl in your way to make your life an unbearable piece of shit. She was there in your fate because you needed to learn something. Probably the lesson is as simple as “don't fucking date a girl who travels”, but there could be much more to it, like some life changing experience or a new attitude when it comes to love. Whatever is is, embrace what she taught you. Don't be rational about it, it's better to look at it from a wider point of view. And, just between us, some girls kinda dig that spiritual pose too.

Grow a beard: somehow I've had more sex since I don't shave. Hipsters made it mainstream (yeah, ironically), and now walking around with facial hair makes you more appealing for the ladies. Won't hurt giving it a try, right?

Don't stop believin'!: I cannot be more emphatic about this point. The fact that you were dumped by a girl, traveler or not, doesn't mean this will happen again. So grow a pair, man up, get out there and take your chances in love. Not saying it will be easy, but in time you'll meet somebody else that will erase the one who's gone away from the picture.

And that's pretty much it. I think there could be a couple of tips I've forgotten, but you'll have enough with these. I totally feel your pain, my friend. I've been there in the darkest places you can imagine, but I came back, using the tips I'm now giving to you. Be wise and start using them. As I say: “you can only win when you have nothing to lose.”

How I survived a girl who travels

I don't consider myself an extraordinary guy, but I do feel somehow special. This feeling has led me to always search for different experiences, places and people. The same applies to my love life. As a Chilean who has lived his whole life in the same city of Chile, I find it extremely boring to settle with the obvious choice. Well, not gonna lie to you. I did settle for over 8 years with a Chilean girl. A very long relationship destined to fail, that then made me decide to go for the total opposite: short affairs with foreigners.

I had pretty clear what I wanted, until I met a girl who travels. I started dating her and it all went great at first, when there was no attachment and the fact she was leaving Chile in a month was keeping me from committing in an actual relationship. But when the sex is the best you've ever had, the connection you feel with the other goes beyond normal and this person starts matching all the parameters of your perfect partner, well, stuff gets complicated.

There were tears. The Norwegian traveler left Santiago and took a bus to Buenos Aires, Argentina, to take the plane back home in a few days. She cried the whole way there. Before leaving my bed, my city and my country she told me she loved me. I could have just let her go, but I couldn't. Despite my sensibility, I decided to go after her and took the first plane I could catch going there.

I spent the happiest week of my life with her there in Baires, but after this magical time, coming back to reality was Hell. I missed her too much, and she traveling constantly just killed communication between us and, with that, the long distance relationship we had. A month after she left, she broke up with me. There is where the nightmare began. Lots of crying, almost no sleeping, never ending suffering, emotional breakdown... basically, shit all over my existence.

I thought this was never going to end, but I took some steps that helped me to finally leave this whole mess behind. The following list doesn't represent the ultimate solution to heal your wounds after a girl who travels, but it's what worked for me and may as well work for you.

Cry: let it all out, baby. The more you do it, the sooner you'll get rid of the acid melting away your heart and your will to live.

Be social: sitting on your ass at home the whole day stalking the girl on Facebook won't make you feel any better. Get out there! Go check on your friends, party, get shit faced, see new faces. There's a world of possibilities around you. Discover it!

Fuck around: thinking you will never find love again? Looking yourself in the mirror and feeling like the most unattractive person in the face of Earth? Nothing like some shagging to shake those beliefs out of your head. Probably you won't feel any better at first, or even will question the whole point of doing it with some random girls, but those minutes of healthy sexual workout will help you to improve your beaten up self-esteem. Not to mention you'll feel lighter both in your head and your balls.

Have a near to death experience (optional): you probably will not wanna do this, but in my case being near to die in a climbing accident while I was alone in the middle of the desert changed my perspective on life quite a bit. You, just like me, won't think about her while your biggest concern is to survive. Plus, the life changing story this experience will become is gonna make you immediately more interesting, which always helps to get laid.

Whine!: don't keep anything in your system. Pathetic as this sounds, if you feel like writing her an extensive email about your feelings, your thoughts and whatnot, do it! There's 1 in a million chance she'll change her mind, but at least you'll get all that shit off your chest. Whether she answers you with some pity message or never writes you back, after a while you'll realize it doesn't hurt anymore. And that, my friend, is the time when this and all of the above will have finally worked.

As I said before, this list is no guarantee of success and I don't recommend applying every item in it. This is how I survived and moved on after falling in love with a girl who travels. Do this at your own risk, always keeping in mind that you already took the most dangerous decision first: to date a girl who travels.

There are more tips here!

What happened after the girl who travels? Find out here!

Sex/Life 24

Closure. After six months of suffering varying from zero to “I can't fucking take this shit anymore!” levels, I decided it was time to move on for real. Yes, she was the most beautiful woman I've been with, and yes, she is still the best shag I've ever had, but holding on to her memory and keeping remains of hope that I could eventually be with her again was a big mistake. Her ghost haunted me constantly, invading my everyday life, some of my dreams at night and, most of all, my sex life.

I couldn't shake her off my head, no matter who the new girl was. Nobody could live up to her image or make me forget about her for too long. Even if I was having a great time, I could close my eyes and from the deepest and darkest places of my mind, she emerged. Not anymore. Today she responded to my yesterday's email, intended to be the last, and killed all hope in me. This, which may sound devastating, was the best start I could have for this weekend, this month and most likely, the rest of my life.

I'm free! She is no more, not in my head nor my heart at least. I now can finally be at peace and devote myself for somebody else, starting by me. Now the viking's soul is in peace, her ghost fading away to become a precious memory and a lesson learned at last.

Closure, what a beautiful word.