To beard or not to beard?

I once let my beard grow more than I was used to, and just for fun I took a couple of selfies before and after shaving. I then posted those pictures to Facebook with the caption To beard or not to beard?. For me it was kind of obvious that the answer to my question, if I got any, was going to be “without beard.” I not only got surprised by the amount of comments I got, but also for the result of this spontaneous survey.

All the persons who responded to my Facebook status were women, and the bearded look was the most voted. On top of that, girls who went for the facial hair option were the ones I felt attracted to. Curiously, those who chose the “baby face look” were friends or ladies I wasn't interested in. So beard, according to this quick informal study, makes a man -or me- more attractive. Interesting, huh?

But it's not only my own experience that has a saying in this matter. Scientists all over the world had researched this as well. I mean, actual research. So I went through some of those investigations and found some refreshing facts. I specially found this study from the University of New South Wales particularly interesting, because they even defined a determined period of beard growth as the most attractive. But I wasn't satisfied. I needed to try this scientific evidence in real life, using myself as the test subject. I shaved and started to post a selfie everyday on Instagram with the evolution of my beard. Here's my story.

Day 0: I wasn't actually going to conduct this experiment. I was happy with my almost 2-month full beard. The only uncomfortable -and nasty- thing about it was the mustache that kept going into my mouth ALL THE TIME. After trimming it, I realized I looked stupid with an almost invisible mustache above the rain forest of hair on my face, so I had to make a decision: let it grow for a couple of weeks -looking horrible during the wait- or just get rid of the whole beard. Chose the second alternative. I like to go all the way, specially when I fuck up.

Being out in the open with a clean shave was weird. Hadn't done it for ages, which made me feel a stranger, even to myself. But apparently a sexy stranger, since I noticed more looks at me than usual by the opposite sex. The theory of beard sexiness wasn't proving right. Should I believe these scientists after this day?

Day 1 to 4: while my face became more scratchy, the ladies reaction towards me got colder. This proved the study right to certain level. My beard is not patchy at all, but density at this stage wasn't enough to show my masculinity -regarding instinctive attraction standards- to my surrounding female counterparts. Plus, in my opinion, the untidy appearance this unshaved look gave me just made me look more of a slacker than anything else. An unattractive slacker, that is.

Day 5: and I reached the fifth day of this experiment. Scientists used this stage of beard growth as the first measure to determine the level of attractiveness. I did notice some difference. Not saying I attracted much more attention than the previous days, but the bearded look was starting to take form. And it did, in fact, got noticed. My lady friend complimented me, without me even asking, and literally said the beard look was going well. If she says so, do I need any scientific evidence?

Day 6 to 9: pretty much like day 1 to 4. Not much variation in the level of attraction to my beard or my person. Started to feel that science did have a point when it comes to sexiness after all.

Day 10: the day had arrived! “Where them girls at?” I asked myself while walking around in the city with my perfect 10-day, heavy stubble beard. Reactions? Not many. To be honest, after day 6 o 7, the beard didn't have a significant growth or change. Still I got a couple of compliments by my special lady and a female friend, but only after I pointed the fact I was letting my facial hair, slowly but surely, take control of my face. Though, despite the cold reception my so awaited beard had reaching the supposed boiling point of sexiness, it did reinforced the conclusion I had a few months before, when I did my Facebook experiment. Girls do prefer me with a beard, as they would with any other man with a bushy face. I was right, scientist were right and -hating myself for saying this- hipsters were also right: beards rock!

Bonus study: Instagram Reaction.

If you head to my Instagram account @edoherto, you'll see nothing but selfies. I, as an amusement and a self-esteem booster, use this social network to show the world my ever growing beauty. To leverage the reach of my precious face in this app, I use two cocky hashtags: #beard and #latinlover. I always got likes from random girls or even dudes. So, since I wanted my experiment to be unbiased, I created a new hashtag for it, #SexyBeardExperiment. But, as a little trick, I also used #nofilter, to see if I could attract any attention. Didn't work. No likes whatsoever.

Do you also wanna be part of the experiment and help in the follow up article? Shave and post your progress to Instagram everyday, or in days 0, 5 and 10, using the hashtag #SexyBeardExperiment. Happy growing!

Sex/Life 27

She broke my heart. I broke my bed fucking other women, trying to forget her. Couldn't. It was her whom I was shagging. She, with different face, smell, taste. She and only she. How many of those girls did I hurt? One, two, four, all of them? I did feel bad. Felt bad but did it anyway. Brought them close to push her away. Pushed them away to get her back. But she was gone. Long gone. I was alone, and even lonelier while accompanied in my broken bed.

Sex/Life 26

Her room was a mess. Dozens of papers, magazines and books piling up in every corner. Clothes spread all over the place, like victims of a fashion terrorist attack. Pictures, notes, newspaper scraps, all taped to the wall. And her bed... oh, her untidy bed. We laid there, me hugging her from behind, while she was going through her music on her laptop, singing along. Me, silent, watching her whispering lyrics to the beat of the music. “I know you are in love with me” she said. I wasn't. Not there yet. Changed the subject and had sex with her, not minding she was on her period. She was a mess, just like her room. Soon after I was caught in love with that mess.

Don't fall in love

Do you want a piece of advice? Do not fall in love. You see, loving is a gigantic task you may not want to get involved in. Need any reasons? I'll give you a few for you to consider.

Loving is caring. It means taking care of somebody else than yourself, committing to look up for their welfare and your own at the same time. Exhausting!

Loving is dangerous. It awakes your worst nightmares and demons. Jealousy, pride, prejudice, insecurity; you name it. It requires you to be strong enough to fight them, smart enough to ignore them and firm enough to choose love over them all.

Loving is weakness. Makes you vulnerable because it forces you to open up completely to the other person. It's brutal honesty, humbleness, physical and emotional nudity. You must be who you are, your true self, no masks nor faking. It's leaving your comfort zone and exposing all your wounds and flaws.

Loving is losing. You give up part of your freedom and independence, adjusting your life and space to be with the object of your affection. You forget about all “the fishes in the sea”, because you are already taken, off the market. Your roofless individuality now ends where the other's starts. Kiss goodbye your selfishness, there's no room for it anymore.

Loving is growing. It requires you to improve yourself to the fullest, because to deliver the best of you in the relationship means also that you must be the best version of yourself you can be. Doesn't mean you have to be perfect, because imperfection is part of the package. You must embrace your imperfection, using it in your favor. Because imperfection is what makes us human, and a human who, despite its own flaws, reaches a higher level of personal growth, defines perfection itself.

Loving is investing. Your time, energy, tears, sweat... sometimes even money! Though as an investment it's the worst you can make. You can't expect anything in return; is giving selflessly, limitless and in good faith.

Loving is adventure. When you jump into it, you start a quest. Every day is a challenge, an exploration in the unknown. It's discovering the other and yourself, constantly wondering in the deepest boundaries of the soul and the worldly whatnot of life in common. This search, this journey, is not to take the relationship for granted, to make it stronger over time.

And, over all, loving is sharing. It's to deliver the most of you. Your happiness, your dreams, your sense of humor, your weird kinks. It's to be there for the other because you want to, not for obligation, not for need. Searching for balance all the time, avoiding the game of “master/slave.” Bear a part in the life of your significant other as well as them are part of yours. It's quiting for once and for all flying solo and hold hands to start walking towards a present and a future as Us or We, instead of Just Me.

So, after reading all this, do you still think you wanna fall in love? Because, as Roman Krznaric says in his article, love is a word nowadays is used lightly. The increasing rate of divorces around the world, the ever growing cases of violence among couples of all ages, the inhumanization of society due to the importance they now give to individualism. All the above are factors to take in consideration when we talk about love. Is it what it used to be? Do you think you can give yourself to it for real and not in the shallow way most people do these days? If not, and I say this for your own good, just don't fall in love.